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Dear Ixtlanders, has anyone the experience of losing one´s nerve and recovering it again? I had a vision three years ago which felt very essential to my spirit, but for some reason I didn´t grap the chance I got to follow it (I wrote about this in my last letter). Since then I can only sense the loss of energy involved in that "wrong" decision. There was something deep inside crying for one path, but I followed another, and now when I´m back I don´t feel capable of putting it right. Something happened in between, cluttering me with unwanted experience. I´m not back. I haven´t found myself yet. Any suggestions for reclaiming one´s nerve? This is closely related to signs and sychronicity. My life had a momentum of its own, and things coincided just effeortlessly, it was natural and easy. My character had certain integrity and a focus. The funny thing is, nothing happened, really, except that I left my spirit´s vision (and that´s everything, as you know). I visualized myself in a particular apartment, leading my life my own way, and instead I made the decision to accept a grant to study abroad (which I really didn´t need because I´d travelled exhaustively already), - thus left my soul behind. Doesn´t sound serious, but it ruined the energy involved in my life. Now, I still live in my childhood house, losing energy as time passes, noticing now that my life hasn´t progressed since two years ago. It halted and froze. Today whenever I think about leaving home I can only feel regret. This is called losing one´s nerve. I lost my path with a heart, my spirit is stultified. Any advice? Thor
Hello, My name is Thor, and I have a problem. My mind is stuck in the past and I find no way to move on. An incident occurred two years ago that stays within my thought every hour, every day. My energy is lost to the past. I have not the freedom to embrace the unexpected. I am also very much aware of this, and it makes me all the more resentful. So, I have to recapitulate, but I don´t know how. I´ve read about recapitulation, but it seems so daunting. Is there a simpler way to do it? What is recapitulation anyway? Is writing a diary the same? Is reading old books of one´s diary equivalent to recapitulating? Does recapitulation include ceremonial casting away of old experience? I do have an example to support this one. I once went travelling with particular group that is dear to me. It just so happened that I was going through a difficult time simultaneously, clambering out of the ruins of a relationship. This damaged the energy involved in the trip, and the memory ever since has been equally damaged. I used to prefer not to think back to it, as if it didn´t happen at all, being therefore always chained to it, until later I got the chance to travel again with the same people. I saw this as a chance to cast away my old resentments, a way of coming to terms with old uneasy feelings. Now the memory is peacefully belonging to the past. The feeling had changed. I visualized my life in a positive way again. So, is that what recapitulation is about, re-translating old experience and make one at one with it? If so, aren´t we always doing that, you know, being stuck in the past? Behind the need to relive the past there is always the belief that you may solve it any moment now...and you go on and on, forever stuck, and unable to live. sincerely, Thor |
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