You can never change the past. You can only change the way you look at it. Trust in yourself to find the greater reasons for why something "unsettling" has occurred. If you get past the self-importance, you almost always inevitably find: It was the best way, It was the only way, It was and is this way. You may just need to open up to the grander picture. There are greater forces and they know you better than you think you may know yourself. Trust in them until you can trust in yourself. They will do what is "best" for you. Noone ever said it would be the "easiest" way just the best one for you at the time. The wars we wage within our own minds are the most "real" of all as well as the most difficult.    Good luck!!!!!  You know you can do it.