The white horse 

I went with a friend to visit her raltives in the country. One day I went out into the pasture, and there was a beautiful white horse there. I got close, and touched him on his nose, gingerly, making friends. As I looked into his eyes and he into mine, the world melted. It felt for me like the horse and I had falled in love. I have no other words to describe it. The next day we went back to the city, and I never say the horse again. 

But in that moment, even now in my memory, the world ceased to be as it does now. I slid into another reality, and then it was over and I was back in normal reality, not even having enough time to think 'Wow'. 

Freedom seekers, 

Impeccability is exciting. In fact, an impeccable day is the best anyone could hope for. Doing things as you "know" you should do them brings about immediate energy and well-being- the results are indisputable. So why not act impeccably? Why smoke that cigarette when you told yourself you quit two weeks ago that you'd quit? Why stay in bed when you planned to be out the door already? 
It starts with just one moment. A decision made with impeccability in mind will lead to another. Start with just one action and do it RIGHT- how you know you should do it. Soon a snowball effect will lead to more good choices and you may find yourself saying "Why should I smoke this cigarette when I've acted impeccably all day?" And then things may change. 
Most of us know what we want to include and exclude from our lives, the trick is to train ourselves (or trick ourselves) to do just that. Make today an impeccable day- calmly and deliberately. And for God's sake don't go around and tell everyone what you're doing. Don't say, "Ah, no I can't go out drinking tonight because I've been reading these books and it says that I should save my energy and drinking drains me." Then you'll rethink everything you're doing and just end up screwing yourself. Be a warrior, stalk yourself today. Impeccability is exciting. 

Yah, the whole ego thing is really a hornets nest... to fight the ego is to strengthen it. I don't really pay it much attention anymore. I don't ignore it, but I don't indulge it either. It has it's agenda, and I have mine. For example: 

An old lady is about to cross the street. To help her is a noble thing. And yet, the ego KNOWS this and will just roll in the glory of being "noble" for hours. So do you help her or not? If you do, you feel noble. If not, you feel superior for not indulging your ego. Hahaha, endless trap. 

Beware of moods of eternal love. They are temporary BECAUSE they're moods. When teachers start preaching about anything permanent, like heaven, bliss, satori, etc., I move on. If a permanent heaven or bliss is what you want, you might acheive it. But for me, such a thing is hell. I'm cursed to keep going, tasting, looking, crying, laughing, loving, hating... 

I wouldn't have it any other way :) 

Total freedom isn't an ultimate destination; it's the ultimate journey :) 

Someone recently sent this to me, I have no idea where it's from: 

"what the people didn't know was she did not serch to be found, She searched to be lost." 

Ain't that the truth! 

When you start living and changing your life into the path with heart and try and follow the way of knowledge I think that the spirit will take you to where you need to go. 

Be patient and do the passes, quiet your thoughts and perhaps you will clearly see where you need to go and you won't need to decide, just yield to the spirit. 

This is interesting because what you are speaking of is key to freeing oneself of self-concern. Don Juan said that a warrior had to design his live in such a way as to free of pending affairs. If he were gain the necessary fluidity to break the boundaries of perception, he needed to have no pending affairs. 

Don juan said something like that a warrior needs to free of preoccupations with the self, with it's basic, concrete needs, with the thoughts that ware attached, intrinsically, to pending affairs in the daily world. 

... 

Before you make it there you will need to get rid of everything in your life that concerns you. throw it out. Throw it ALL out!  This will test your commitment to the Warriors' Way and show you what you are really made of. Can you do it? can you get rid of everything and every one in your life, leaving nothing except the unknown? Can you handle life without your toys and your absorbtions? Can you handle what your friends and family will say when they question your sobriety? Can you handle how society will treat you how the opposite sex will turn there nose up at you cause you have nothing to show for your self? Can you handle that kind of rejection without getting all worked up? Can you handle having large amounts of surplus sexual and other kinds of energy without leaking? Can you handle going on living without the people who love you, without your dearest friends, the people who make you feel secure, who make your house a home? Can you endure not being with them? Can you leave them? Can you handle a life where the only thing that remains is the being who is going to die? can you live that way and endure the face of the unknown staring back at you? Can you sustain it indefinitely and still keep your sense of sobriety about you as you face the cold unknown on daily basis? As it surrounds you on every side and even fills you? Can you live with the emptiness?  Or will you go to pieces? Can you focus your attention on your purpose while you yearn and long so utterly deeply ? Can you handle what it's like to feel, in ways that seem to drown the ordinary man?  Can you do it while the rest of world goes on partying and enjoying the good life right in front of your eyes? Can you dance to your death, in the silence, in the privacy of your own heart, without anyone else knowing what you are doing, without trying to somehow feel superior to them? Can you Dance to your death in the face of Infinity while the daily world goes on around you?  Can you impeccably face the unknown today.... as a being who is going to die? 

Can you do it!!? 

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